As you know, Unicorn Battle Squad is now available on amazon. In fact, it’s now available ANYWHERE on the world wide web that carries good books. ANYONE can now order a copy of the next great American novel. ANYONE. ANYWHERE. This is what we call freedom. The word is sure to spread to every single one of the world’s largest cities, garnering rave reviews and inciting flash mobs across the 50 states and beyond.
If you’ve already read Unicorn Battle Squad, you know how important it is for cities to be in contact. All major urban areas are open to attack if they don’t look out for each other.
That’s why I’m taking a look at which cities are at risk of missing out on Unicorn Battle Squad.
Tokyo, the number one most populous city, is going to have no problem. 85% of the people in Tokyo have their finger on the pulse of the weird. The other 15% have, like, you know, Saline implants in their foreheads and stuff.
Seoul, South Korea, the third most populous city, is also going to be a cinch because in Seoul, fetuses begin learning how to use the internet in the third trimester.
Delhi, India, is infamous for its extensive knowledge of my pastimes and habits, due to most men and women between the ages of 18 and 25 working in the customer service centers for CenturyLink that I call almost every day. CenturyLink is the worst internet provider ever.
Manila, in the Philipines, will be a little bit harder. Chances are no one in Manila will be searching for Unicorn books in English, although they do have a really neat English Manila-celebrity newspaper that I might be able to crack. Fortunately, I can have my dad plant some copies of the book in hotels next time he’s there.
Number six is of course, Shanghai. Well, let’s just say Shanghai knows what’s up. They practically invented the unicorn.
Unfortunately, if you are in Jakarta, the world’s second largest city by population, your chances of hearing about this ground breaking, sensational novel, let alone receiving a copy, are slim to none. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that not even one of the 10,187,595 residents of Jakarta will order this novel from amazon.
That is why I would like to reach out to Jakarta and offer a free print copy of this epic, extremely well-packaged book to someone, in fact, anyone, in Jakarta. If you are in Jakarta and you like Unicorns…drop me a line. Or, you know, mail me a postcard, or…send me an email or…stop by the house…or whatever. I’m not trying to tell you how to live, Jakarta.
The point is I feel like everyone in Jakarta deserves to know. They deserve to experience this novel.
And you do too. Here you go: amazon.