What was it that killed the dinosaurs?
And what will bring them back?
Was it the massive volcanic eruptions that created the Deccan Traps in India, pouring trillions of gallons of flaming hot lava into the ocean and raising the temperature of the earth by several fatal degrees?
Was it the simultaneous launch of nuclear warheads from warring dinosaur factions which both obliterated all evidence of their advanced weapons technology and covered the earth in a toxic cloud of irridium?
We will never know.
Fortunately, there is a way to bring back the noble reptilian races. It’s simple. It’s clear. It’s imminent.
If 111 people purchase the book Love in the Time of Dinosaurs on September the fifteenth, we will see the dinosaurs rise again.
Some useful questions and answers:
Q: Why raise the dinosaurs?
A: Two reasons. Reason 1: Dinosaurs are awesome.
Reason 2: Mammals are overrated.
Q: Why 111 people?
A: Reason 1: 111 is the number of the dinosaur gods.
Reason 2: It is also the number of books that the author must still sell in order to receive a five book contract with bizarro publisher Eraserhead Press.
Q: Why purchase Love in the Time of Dinosaurs?
A: Reason 1: It has been praised by so many famous people that it would be facetious to name them.
Reason 2: It is about a monk and a dinosaur who fall in love.
Bonus Reason: If you attend this event, you will receive a free PDF of the groundbreaking children’s book: The Death of Ivan Velociraptor by Kirsten Alene. This book is masterfully illustrated (using ms paint), and features many literary and cultural references.
Q: Why September 15th?
A: Reason 1: Amazon is the only thing preventing the return of the dinosaurs. 111 people purchasing Love in the Time of Dinosaurs on the same day will overload the system and destroy the entire website.
Reason 2: On September 15th it will be 600 million years (give or take some million years) since the dinosaurs disappeared. This is a confirmed scientific fact.