Weapons Technology

If you read Love in the Time of Dinosaurs, you already know that dinosaurs have seriously advanced weapons technology.

And when they come back, they’re going to be totally prepared. Of course, this will only happen if enough people buy Love in the Time of Dinosaurs on September fifteenth. It’s only 11 days away now.

So I was trying to order this online: 

But no one would sell it to me. They say I have to go into the store and pick it up, I need a background check and all of this nonsense that I know is just stalling so that I won’t have adequate weapons to defend myself against the dinosaurs on September 15th. They’re in league with the reptiles; bureaucrats and ebay sellers always are.

Besides, even if I went into the store to get one, how would I get it home? Tie it to the back of my bike? The back of my dog? It must weigh three hundred pounds. I need this thing shipped.

So that plan was a wash. But I did come up with this: It was built in the 16th century and it weighs about 39 tonnes. Apparently I can get it from “batzmaru252” on ebay for eleven dollars plus four dollars shipping and handling anywhere in the US or Canada. It feels like a solid deal, so I might do it. Fifteen dollars won’t break the bank, and they just don’t build giant cannons like this anymore.

While I’m waiting for the Tsar Cannon to arrive, I’ve started work on this giant crossbow: 

The lumber cost was going to be epic, so my husband and I have been cutting down the neighbor’s trees at night.

They think it’s mountain beavers.

Construction is going well.

More to come.


About pterodactylsamurai

Author of Love in the Time of Dinosaurs (2010), Chiaroscuro (2009) and editor of Unicorn Knife Fight Webzine
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