Grand Sweeping Update

Dinosaur Apocalypse

After an initial attack, the Dinosaurs who returned from their rocky graves on September 15th seem to have withdrawn, possibly intimidated by this weapon:

Or maybe their withdrawal is only indicative of their desire to regroup and fortify after a period of initial reconnaissance. We may see them return in greater force. In the meantime, signs of their continued presence persist:

World Fantasy 2011

In late October I embarked on a great journey with the staff of Eraserhead Press to San Diego for the World Fantasy Convention. On the way down we stopped, in typical writer fashion, at four Breweries to sample the regional offerings. Driving in the rental minivan with a bunch of Bizarros was great fun.

At Borderland Books in San Francisco

My brain was blurry with happiness (and a slight buzz) all weekend. I met Patrick Rothfuss, the author of The Name of the Wind, and even sold him a book from the Eraserhead table. I acquired a copy of Peter S. Beagle’s The Last Unicorn. I talked in a bathroom with the owner of Night Shade Books while popping the tops of homebrews for our many esteemed guests. I talked a lot with one of my literary heroes, Ben Loory, whose book Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day, is my favorite bedtime story book. Garth Nix poured me a glass of Australian Wine. I picked up Seed, by Rob Ziegler, and enough other books to fill up the rest of the floor space in our apartment. I hung out with the husband and Cody Goodfellow and shared some moisturizing secrets with Carlton Mellick III.

We stopped in San Francisco for Halloween and hung out in the Castro District with New Bizarro Author Constance Fitzgerald and The Slow Poisoner.

All in all a great success and I’ll never let them leave for a convention without me again.

BizarroCon 2011

True to my vow never to be left behind again, I attended the annual Bizarro Convention at Edgefield last weekend. It was a mythical weekend, one that will be sung of in ballads for many centuries after the zombie apocalypse destroys most of the known world, leaving tiny pockets of civilization to remember the greatest triumphs of man.

I talked with Ross E. Lockhart, the editor of the Cthulhu Mythos anthology The Book Of Cthulhu from Nightshade Books. I soaked in a salt water spa with Brian Keene, Deadite author. I watched my husband rub a dead squid on himself and nail Michael Allen Rose in the face with a duck head.

Photo by Zoe Welch

I talked to Alan M. Clark about his new book, Of Thimble and Threat, and then practiced my blind contour drawing with Chrissy Horchheimer. I read from my new novella, “Artichoke,” which appears in the last Sands-tasticly edited Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. I watched David Barbee’s wife chuck action figures at a rapt audience as her husband told us a tale of Yankee betrayal and the triumph of the South. Jeremy Robert Johnson talked a lot about poop and lightning. J.W. Wargo and Eric Robinson made me care deeply about the way of the pogo and my husband pulled hamburgers out of his ass.

Arriving at Bizarro Con was like coming home and leaving was really hard. I say we buy some chickens and start a commune. Hippies have been doing this for decades and if it weren’t for the fact that most of us don’t even know what a shovel looks like, I think we could do it.

Future Bizarro Commune. Back Left: Carlton Mellick III; Front Center: Kirsten Alene

Future of Kirsten

While at Bizarro Con, I was pulled aside by Carlton Mellick and led down a dark and gloomy stair. Instead of murdering me or revealing the secrets of the Bizarro Grail (a fabled, phallic object of post-apocalyptic worship known only to the greatest Bizarro authors), he offered me a five book contract with Eraserhead Press.

He told me the goal is to create a best selling book, that they think I can do it, and that they’re giving me five chances to prove how cool I am.

Fellow New Bizarro Authors Caris O’Malley and Eric Hendrixson received contracts as well. And Steve Lowe and Kirk Jones will be pitching ideas over the next few months. I look forward to seeing what these people can do and I know that I won’t be disappointed. It’s because of them I have a contract.

Next up for Kirsten Alene–famous author, dinosaur hunter, unicorn rider, and animal psychic–another book!

As always, I will keep you posted (even if it’s a few months late).


About pterodactylsamurai

Author of Love in the Time of Dinosaurs (2010), Chiaroscuro (2009) and editor of Unicorn Knife Fight Webzine
This entry was posted in Bits, Love in the Time of Dinosaurs, Other Things You Should Read and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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